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ZAM 4
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ZAM 4.adf
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1994-03-14
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9KB
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164 lines
THE BIG DISCUSSION
----------------------
While attempting to think about something to write, I looked out
of the window. But nothing happened...... So.... Ermmm.... but then !
After Ezza had said how crap my spelling was, I decided to mis-pell
everytinhg/. Wasn't this a good idea - "I know...let's write an
article, totally improvised... that'll be a good thing to do.
And before you knew it Ben, a dog, walked into the room and
growled at nothing in particular. Philosophers have wandered what
this meant. Some have said that he was asking if `anybody had seen
the postman lately', while others thought he had said `I am the
messanger of God and you will all listen to me and do my bidding',
while some just think he was asking where his bone was. This is the
kind of things Fred from Walsall has been wondering to, that was
until a huge bomb was dropped onto his house killing him, his
goldfish, and a small rat hiding in his basement, instantly. The
rest of Walsall was uneffected by this huge bomb which was a bit
of a surprise to the resurfacing Nazi party who dropped this
particular bomb. They were expecting half of Britain to go up.
Will somebody tell me to stop.........Oh wellll.....I will now
pass the baton back to Gears......Thank you......
Yes... Well, what the flip was that all about ? I dunno. Hey,
I'd just like to tell the world that I'm heavily into drug abuse.
It isn't unusual to find me swearing at bottles of paracetamol in
Sainsbury's. Ha... I nicked that joke from somewhere but who cares ?
Not I, fair maiden. And she was too. Nazis ? Where ? Swastika ?
How'dya spell that ? I dunno !!? Bang went the drum. Who's this
Bjork person then ? What a stupid name ! Hey, maybe I should have
started a new paragraph. It's all Miss Blunt's fault - she used to
be my English teacher ya know. I'd place a hefty bet that she will
never get married. Daft woman. Ezza has just told me that his
brother has her now..... I'd be very surprised if that was possible.
I mean, he's only a little kid after all. Anyway, I'm going to drink
a bit more tea now, so I'll hand over to Ezza again.
Well, I think so. So so I......Oh no, I'm talking to myself. No
you are not I am, No you're no- ALL OF YOU SHUT UP NOW. I am not
a number I'm a free man and all that. O.k., now it's time for it
.......Yes, I'm a Schizaphrenic (I'm not really but I think I've
spelt it right YEEEESESSSSS..) Well, another paragraph excellently
wasted. (Actually it's spely Schizophrenic so nerr.. - Gears (Ed))
Good job this isn't written on paper or they'd be half a rainforest
missing........And were now coming around the bend and handing over
the baton for the third time I think or do I, no you don't ........
Oh no, not again, it's Schizaphrenaiaai, Damn, teach me to show
off..........or on, I don't knowor care ANYWAY, I'm going to shut
up, my fingers are sore (???!!!?!!?)
Blimey.......... The mind boggles at that last line. Have you
been with that strange girl again Ezz ? Or have you gone back to the
sheep ? Anyway! What a load of strange piffle. Or is it piffel ?
Look it up for me will ya.... Or look it down... I dunno .... Soz
Ezz, I nicked that joke from your bit. Anyway, that reminds me...
There was this girl at work and she said, "How about a quickee
upstairs ?". .... I didn't realise that she meant a cup of tea from
the canteen. It was mildly embarrassing as I was half-naked at the
time. Bugger. Well, actually.... I never got that far. Anyway, you
should talk to Sumner about that. Bugger. Bugger. Tut.... Anyway...
Bugger. That's a nice word ! Hahahahhaha !! Oh dear, I'm going over
the edge...... Too late..Wagggaaaaaa. Nice weather.... I dunno.
What is it with these weather girls ? Do they all need to go and
make shows called Gladiators ? Huh ? Who's this Ulrika Johnson
person ? Eh ? Ha, she's just acting out her strange fantasies - or
is it phantasies ? I dunno. She calls it a programme but I'd call
it an orange duffle jacket. Oooooooo We're Justified, and we're
ancient.... Hey, now... What am I going to talk about now then ?
Hey ? I dunno. Onnud...that's you that is... Oh bugger... I'm
fresh out of ideas. Bye bye.. Back to Ezza again.
Yes, thanks to Gears, and if you want to experience his spelling
classes you don't have to go along all you have to do is take
several letters from the alphabet and put them in any order. E.g.
The word elephant in the Gears school of spelling is spelt helifant.
Or on the good days it is spelt yrleisant. Hahahahahaahhahhahahaahh
aaHaHAhhaHAhahAHahHAHahHAHhahaHhaHAhHAhHAHahHAhahaahhahahahahahahah
HahAHHA.......I've never laughed so much apart from that time that
Merle fancied Hunter.......Now that's funny......HHAHAHAHAHAHHAaha
hahahahahaaHHAAhahahahah.................And now finally the prize
draw to win Gears's Volkswegon. Mr. Fred from Walsall has won....
You can either have the Wagon or send us a tenner, which ever you
prefer............Now let's think is therre any more ways I can
insult Gears............
Oh ha... Having to resort to that are we ? Feeble effort. How
do you spell VolsWagen ezz ? Wegon ? Eh ? I don't think so. No more
lifts to Walsall for you matey. Scrap about it ? Ah, he's too tired
and emotional. It must be something to do with that sheep that he
keeps hiding. Baaaa baaa.. Snigger snigger. Ha, yeah, let's really
piss him off. Erm..... Erm..... GateWay what a crap place to work.
Shoddy little warehouse. Or is it a cheap basement under that flahsy
new car-park ? Eh. Chep.. that's what it is YES CHEP ! It's my way
of spelling CHEAP !!! Okay ! Baaaaaaa !!
Well ---- you.......AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
There's a spider on the keyboard....... Anyway, O.K., I admit the
sheep might be true but there is no way I am going to admit that
I work for Gateway. Actually it's not true. There is no way I would
work for a company with an advert like that...........Anyaway (?),
the wine is only 1.99 quid is it(Safeway)? What a con (quick plug
coming up)...Well, the wine is only 1.69 at Gateway so stick that
up all your orifices and join the Pet Shop Boys fan club.....haha
hahahhahahah?!!??........Anyway as Marc Almond said `I must just
go for a quick pint.' Of what exactly eh? Marc? Oh well, lost that
interview.....Damn.........Back over to the V.Reeves loving
(court case), Wagon driving, tea sniffing (can't afford heroin)
person himself......Gears.....
Right... That's it. Time for some hard-hitting. HOW MUCH DO THE
WONDERFUL GATEWAY PAY YOU EZZA ??? Haha ! Exactly. Bingo bongo.
Anyway, at least I don't record all those XXX films on the Sky Movie
Channels.. Ha aha !! I suppose it's one way to keep the sheep happy.
Baaaa.. HA ! That's soon shut him up. Erm. Right... Hey, have you
noticed that this article has turned into a serious slagging off type
thing. It was supposed to be weird... Hey, that's how wars start. Ya
know Star Trek.... They keep saying that there was a third world war.
Hey, what do they know. 37 million people and not a sausage to eat.
Eh ? How much ? Inflation - it's terrible, put that bike-pump away.
By-gum. Right.. I'm going to get really angry if my fingers don't
start to type properly. I've made about 7254827548734 corrections
already. It's terrible it really is. HEY MARSIANS ! GIVE US THE
SATELLITE BACK!! TOSSAS ! Shut up NASA, we all know what happened.
And what's this crap about not spying any-more ? Bollocks. And sure,
you're not making any more nuclear weapons... Hey, this could go on
for ages. Yawn. Oh, I think Ezz wants to stick his..............
........... oar in again... Well.... Please try to ignore
everything below.
Right that's it! I've had enough of this constant slagging off
by the twatin the purple. Put `em up and get outside now......or
pdyt eiud djosjisdj 3ijwdi iowjwi fj re as Gears would type.......
Twatin ? Surely you mean `twat in'.. two seperate words you know.
Yeah, and you can stop calling me shirley. Oh dear .... I've gone
all blank. Haha. I can't think of anything to type... It's writers
block. RIGHT ! Let's finish this off !! This is line 140 and it's
getting a bit toooooooooo long (as many lady friends of miue would
say!) Oral Communication ? Hey hey!!?!! It makes me larf... Hahaha
hahha... Right...... How's this gonna end.... (Ezza translation
--- "I say old boy, how the devil is this transcript going to be
finalised ?") .... GAGAGAGGAHHHHHH! !!
Look, just because I don't spell elephant as ejsugjfh it
doesn't mean that type like a stupid old posh knob........That's
it I quit and I want paying for this as well.........Money, cheque,
sheep......I don't care....
Right... That's it... I'm going to save this now...... Goodbye
to everyone who bothered to read this ...........................
thing. Hope ya liked it. Baaaaa ! Hey ! I never said elifant !
See-yaazzz !
Written by :-
Gears and
Ezz in a mad state of something.
Turrra !